“Stagnation is the beginning of death”- Leading Ladies Africa speaks to @Ekeneonline

SATURDAY WOMAN

Introduction:
“Step up and own your spotlight” says Ekene Onu, Founder, Refresh With Ekene and convener of the Sparkle and Pop Series. She talks about why re-invention and change are absolutely necessary, and how women can learn the art of being fabulous from the inside out. She is the Leading Lady Africa for the week; be inspired!
You are the founder of Refresh with Ekene? What made you start this initiative?

My big why: Because I saw a need for a place for women of all walks of life to get the resources, support and tools they need to create successful lives on their own terms. Coaching and teaching that focuses on leadership that starts from the inside and radiates out. In the last year, I heard of at least three cases of women committing suicide. Professional women, and even women who could be considered change agents and thought leaders. And because I have seen life from a health care professional’s perspective, I know how much stress and pain some women carry and how isolated they might feel and they need a place that can support them in being their best but also where they can find help if they are feeling at their worst.

 How did you go from being a pharmacist with over 15 years’ professional experience, to become a certified personal and professional coach?

I got real. There is a great quote that says “An empowered life begins with serious personal questions about one’s self. Those answers bare the seeds of success.” – Steve Maraboli. I was frustrated with certain aspects of my life and when I finally stopped looking outward and blaming everything and everyone for my unhappiness, I started asking myself powerful questions. And that led me to recognize that I needed to reinvent myself and step into my true calling as a change agent and motivational resource for my community. As I learned more, I grew and eventually made the shift from employee to entrepreneur.

 On your website, it says you help people go from “stuck to fabulous” how exactly does that happen?

Well, when I coach, I use a framework that involves the process of understanding oneself fully, taking practical steps to “refresh” and re-imagine and reconfigure their life plan as well as create a community of power.

 Did you have a life-changing, personal experience that triggered the need for you to help people with the Refresh programmes?

I can’t say that I had one life changing personal experience; I just had a real girlfriend moment with my soul. I had “a come to Jesus” moment, if you must. I saw myself and my life and then I saw what it could be and the light bulb moment was understanding that I had the responsibility and the authority to change my life. I created the Refresh programmes to help women have such powerful light bulb moments.

 Why do you think it’s important for people, especially women, to re-invent themselves?

Well stagnation is the beginning of death. You have to be willing to grow and it is often said that change is the only constant thing. I challenge people to be proactive and keep asking themselves powerful questions like, “Am I still on the right path?” “Am I being my full most amazing self?” “Is anything holding me back?” for example.

 In your opinion, what do you think are some of the things that hold women back from achieving their potential?

Well…a few things hold women back. The most powerful source of bondage is fear. Fear about not measuring up. Fear about not fitting in. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of being talked about. Fear of never being talked about. Fear is at the root of it all.

One of the things I do with women leaders who seem stuck and can’t seem to move past is force them to do an activity that pushes them out of their comfort zone. If it is at one of my events, I might have you do something silly like sing, or I do a leadership hike up a mountain in my area and I ask people to dance while strangers gawk at them. That is because until you conquer fear and gain some measure of courage, even the most talented person will find it difficult to accomplish anything of note. But when you learn to feel the fear and do it anyway, that’s when you become a powerhouse.

 Is Refresh with Ekene specifically targeted at women?

Yes, I primarily work with women.

 What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in getting people to understand the vision behind Refresh?

Well, these days, women get it more and more. They seek me out. I don’t have to sell the concept because they already understand what it feels like to be stuck. And I think it helps that they can see that I am not just a coach who has an education,  You are the author of 3 books, tell us about that?

Well, the third book is not done, much to the frustration of those who love “The Mrs Club”. I beg all of your forgiveness! I am the one holding up the process. I own it. Unfortunately because Refresh is growing and evolving and we are planning our next big conference and retreat in the Caribbean, so many things have taken a backseat. However I will finish my new novel “Aristocrat wives” soon and the final book that makes up the three is my non-fiction collection of essays “Can I be real?” which I wrote at the beginning of my Refresh journey. When you read it, it opens you up and you begin to have light bulb moments about your mindset as I did.

 How do you balance family and the demands of your career?

For me, family is always first. I recognize that this is the only way I can be truly happy. So I grow the business at a pace that works with that reality and I create a schedule that allows me to function as a mom, coach and as a CEO. Take for instance today…I was up at 5am, preparing for my prayer call that I host every Wednesday and at 6:30am, I woke my daughter and sent her off to get ready for school, jumped on the call at 7am till 7:25am. I rushed off to drop the girls at school by 7:45am, headed to the mountain for my workout; down by 9:15. Had a call about designing a leadership workshop that I am facilitating for a professional group soon. I met with my director of operations for a strategy meeting, rushed to drop off dry cleaning and random errands before pick up time and then homework time and then a coaching call. Then another conference call about an event. All throughout communicating with hubby and now I am finishing this interview before I fold laundry, do some more writing and go to bed.

 Have you ever struggled with, or had body/self-esteem issues? If yes, how did you get round to overcoming that?

Of course I have, as Bell Hooks would say “Ain’t I a woman?” We have been socialized to have body issues. I am over 40. And while I like my body, I still would like certain things to perk up and others to lay down! Ha! How do I overcome it? I am not sure I have overcome it…but what I have learned to do is not to give my body too much focus and when I do, I focus on what I can do, not just how I look. I can walk 10 miles. I can spin for an hour. I can swim laps. My body rocks jare!

 How do you recharge when you get physically, mentally and emotionally drained?

I am very introverted, which is surprising to some, so I recharge by being alone or at the very least, just with my nuclear family. However we are all very independent beings in my house. Some practical self-care things are swimming. Swimming is like my meditation time, I zen out in the pool. I also go to the mountain; it is not just for my thighs but for my mind and spirit. Something about being out there looking up at the sky, is just awakening for me. And I pray and I sing any and everywhere.

 How central to your life is your belief/faith in God?

It is everything! Period.

I draw my strength from the knowledge that I am part of a divine plan and that everything has a purpose. I gain wisdom from communing with the Holy Spirit and letting myself be guided by the word. Sometimes I feel like God is speaking directly to me, except He doesn’t use big, holy language, He says things like “Get over yourself already!”

 If you could, what would you tell your younger self?

1. You are beautiful and your worth is intrinsic.
2. Stop selling yourself short.

• Stop playing small and stop being lazy.

1. Your talents will only get you so far. Do the work to be exceptional!
2. Don’t be afraid to love. Ever. But don’t cast your pearls to swine.

 Name 3 women you admire and why?

Gosh…Too hard. I will miss too many women. But in no particular order.

Maya Angelou: Because she left it all on the table. She gave the world everything she had and used her talents completely.

Mira Nair: Film Director. She made one of my favorite movies “Monsoon Wedding”. I have always been intrigued by her. Watched a few interviews and she is always insightful. I love the story about Monsoon Wedding. A lot of the footage ended up being destroyed in a fire or something, but she was able to look past what was lost and still find the story in what remained and that is a lot like life. Resilient women make moves.

Iman: Because she never rests on her laurels. She could have let her life be defined simply as a supermodel, which was enough for many, but she kept going, creating a business empire that is still growing!

 Last words for women looking to find their passion and purpose in life.

Don’t stop starting. Women tend to give up on themselves too easily. I did too. My husband always challenges me because he tells me that I tend to give up when I meet an obstacle. That was the old me. Now I focus on what I want and I tell myself, don’t stop until you get it. If you make a mistake, start again. If you fall off the wagon, get up and jump back on. Don’t be the woman lying on the floor, waving bye-bye to the wagon! You are worth too much and we need you to step up and own your spotlight!


Follow Ekene on Twitter: @ekeneonline and Instagram: @refreshwithekene


The Leading Ladies Africa Series is a weekly interview series that focuses on women of African descent, showcases their experiences across all socio-economic sectors, highlights their personal and professional achievements and offers useful advice on how to make life more satisfying for women.

It is an off-shoot of Leading Ladies Africa; an initiative that seeks to effectively mentor and inspire women, with particular emphasis on the African continent.

Do you know any woman of African descent doing phenomenal things? Send an email to leadingladiesafrica and we just might feature her.
by Francesca Uriri